


King of Hockey

by respoftw



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Ice Skating, M/M, Off-world Mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 10:31:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10829454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: The team have to win a game of ice hockey to secure a trade deal.John misses the simpler time when it was just sex rituals.





	King of Hockey

There were few things that were capable of quieting Rodney’s off-world whine. In their six years on Atlantis, John had catalogued the following as successful distractions to the soundtrack of 'I'm too important for this': food, the sudden appearance of a mysterious energy reading, and serious injury.

(He wished that there had only been two things on that list, could go the rest of his life without knowing how Rodney clammed up when his life was really at stake.)

It turned out that there was one more thing to add to the list.

Ice hockey.

They had stumbled on more improbable things while off-world, they must have, but seeing the villagers of MY7-PO3 playing the Pegasus-equivalent to ice hockey definitely ranked up there. Being forced to participate in a game of ice hockey to solidify their new treaty definitely was.

It almost made John miss the sex rituals.

Ronon picked up one of the ice skates and moved it through the air like a weapon, looking impressed. "I like it," he decided. "You could do some damage with this."

Rodney grinned, bouncing excitedly on his heels in a way that John didn't think anything other than scientific discovery could manage. "You don't know the half of it," he said gleefully. "I just wish I had brought my own skates with me."

"You brought ice skates? To Atlantis?" John drawled, disbelieving. "It's a floating city."

"We know that now," Rodney sniped, "but it could very well have been situated in a frozen wasteland. And in a frozen wasteland, the man with ice skates is king."

"Don't you mean the man with shelter and heat is King?" John retorted.

"Well, lucky for me, I'm also the one who keeps your shelter and heat ticking along, so I'd be King twice over."

Teyla interrupted their bickering. "If I am to understand this correctly, the goal of the game is to balance on these blades while moving across the ice and hitting a small object with a wooden stick. And if we wish to conclude our trade agreement, we must win at this endeavour."

John bit back a snicker as Rodney's shoulders fell in defeat.

"Well, when you say it like that it sounds stupid," he complained. "But, I'll have you know that hockey, ice hockey in particular, is a wholly under-appreciated sport. A sport that I happen to excel at, if I do say so myself." Rodney preened a little, his head tilting in that self satisfied little angle that John normally associated with Rodney saving the day. It was a good angle, John had always thought so.

Ronon, however, looked unconvinced. "I thought you said sport was opium for the masses?"

John barked out a laugh, causing McKay to glare at him. He shrugged the glare off with a smirk that made Rodney's eyes roll in exasperation.

"I didn't say that, Karl Marx did," Rodney waved his hands in Ronon's direction dismissively. "Not about sports, he said it about religion. I was merely paraphrasing and, besides, I was talking about American football when I said that. Ice Hockey isn't just a sport, it's a," he clicked his fingers as the correct term came to him, grinning, "an art form."

John wasn't sure how artistic the four of them on skates looked as they made their way out on to the ice a little bit later. Rodney had spent the better part of their half an hour preparation time explaining the rules - which were almost identical to Earth rules, marking this mission as even odder in Sheppard's book - and had neglected to take account of the fact that neither Ronon or Teyla had ever worn a pair of skates in their lives.

Granted, John had expected Teyla's natural grace and Ronon's ability to excel at everything physical to count for something, but when had anything in the Pegasus Galaxy been that easy?

Rodney's flabbergasted expression as he watched Teyla move gingerly across the ice in minute movements, her arms held out to hold her balance and her tongue sticking out from between her teeth, was a sight that John wouldn't soon forget.

Rodney whirled to look at John, throwing his arms in Teyla's direction as if to say, _look, see what kind of numbskulls you've chosen for your team_. John held his hands up in supplication. "Hey, don't look at me. Ice skating isn't exactly a required skill set for a gate team. Just give them a minute. They'll be fine."

Ronon chose that exact moment to step foot on to the ice, take two steps like he was walking across a football field, and promptly fall over his own skates and land hard on the ice, his hands coming up just in time to save his face. Teyla's arms pinwheeled at the impact that vibrated through the ice and John rushed to steady her before they lost another player. Too late, he realised that his own rollerblading skills didn't translate as well to ice as he had thought they would and the two of them crashed on to the ice with a yelp of pain.

"Seriously??!"

John winced as Rodney held out a hand to help pull him up, his weight settling awkwardly on an ankle that was pretty badly sprained, if not outright broken. Rodney's frustrated countenance disappeared at the sound, concern (and panic) quickly taking over.

"Oh my god, you winced, you're dying. I can't believe that you managed to survive Afghanistan, the Wraith, the Replicators and the Genii only for ice skating to kill you. Is it broken? Has the bone broken the skin? There could be internal bleeding, or the break could be stopping the blood flow from getting to your foot. Oh God, will they still let you be military commander with one foot? I'll go to bat for you, I will. I'll threaten to resign if they let you go, I'll - -"

"Rodney," John had to almost yell the word to cut through Rodney's babbling. "I'm fine. It's just a sprain." He was starting to suspect he might be lying about that but he needed McKay calm right now.

"Yeah, I'm fine too," Ronon growled from his place on less slippy ground. "Stupid skate." Ronon threw the offending boot away from him, no longer quite as impressed with its potential as a weapon.

"We are all fine," Teyla chimed in. "However, it would appear that none of us can help you in this..art form. I fear that we may have to withdraw our trade agreement. The Gretski people take this ritual very seriously. If we cannot win against them, then.." Teyla didn't need to finish her sentence.

John swore under his breath. Woolsey was going to be pissed. They really needed this trade. More than most people in Atlantis knew. Rodney, however, was also privy to the impending food crisis and John watched with a hint of a smile as he squared his shoulders and pressed his lips together grimly. He really should stop being surprised when Rodney pulled through for them. Rodney McKay might not be the King of Atlantis but, in John's eyes at least, he was the King of Hail Mary moves.

"Wait here," Rodney picked up his hockey stick and gripped it tightly. "I'm not leaving here without the food we were promised." Rodney turned sharply, a bit of ice spraying the rapidly swelling skin of John's ankle and skated towards the four waiting..John turned to Teyla, "Do these people really call themselves the Gretzky?"

Teyla let him lean on her as they moved slowly off the ice. "The Gretski people, yes. Why?"

John huffed a laugh under his breath. Definitely the weirdest mission yet. "No reason."

Teyla let it go, no doubt chalking his amusement up to another cultural difference. "Do you think Dr. McKay can succeed in this alone?" she asked.

John collapsed onto the ground beside a still sulking Ronon. He shrugged. "Let's hope so."

* * *

  
When Rodney was done mopping the ice with the Gretski team, John understood his assertion that ice hockey was more than just a sport. The way that Rodney moved so effortlessly across the ice, his legs crossing gracefully and his strong shoulders making a mockery of the Gretski defence, John really could class it as an art form.

Ronon seemed to agree. "We should have him wear skates all the time," he joked. "Did you see that move? The one where he - -"

John nodded, completely unable to take his eyes off Rodney as he skated his victory lap. "I saw it." John had seen all of it, from the strength and skill of Rodney's arms as he manoeuvred with the puck to the pumping thighs as Rodney raced across the ice, leaving everyone in his wake.

Ronon and Teyla exchanged an amused glance over John's head.

Rodney came skating up to them, stepping seamlessly from the ice to the grass on his skates, his cheeks flushed with excitement and exercise. "So," he grinned widely at them all. "You willing to admit that the man with ice skates is King?"

Ronon stood, clapping Rodney on the shoulder before hugging him fiercely. "I think the man with the food is King. And since you got us the food...."

"Yes, King! I knew it!" Rodney beamed at them and Teyla laughed, offering her own hug.

"I was most impressed," she smiled. "Perhaps you would be willing to teach Torren this art form? I do believe he would enjoy it."

"Ha! Of course he would," Rodney said. "Torren's a very intelligent child."

John tried very hard to ignore the fact that Torren had no interest in learning how to play football and let Rodney haul him up. "Good game, McKay. Now what do you say we get outta here and go give Atlantis the good news?"

Rodney acquiesced, reluctantly pulling off his borrowed skates and running his hands through his sweaty hair, making it stand up. Once he was booted again, he offered his shoulder to John.

John gladly accepted and led John towards the gate while Teyla and Ronon stayed behind to finish the negotiation and arrange for delivery of the food.

Once they were alone, John leaned in closer. "Oh, and Rodney? If you wear your skates in bed tonight, I'll call you King of whatever the hell you want."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> watching David Hewlett play ice hockey in Ice Men was very inspiring.


End file.
